Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
