Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
