just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
