if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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