the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Randomize
