Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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