He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
