listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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