how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
