Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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