I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
