u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
as a side note pls kill me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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