I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
