I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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