I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
