ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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