Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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