Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
