Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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