Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
