dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I smell stomach acid.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
