I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize