The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
