perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
