i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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