The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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