i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
