I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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