I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
