Its about making memories worth repressing
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
