I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize