My friends, they love my intelligence
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
