i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she smelled like a LAN party
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
