dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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