There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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