hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
