so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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