apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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