wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize