Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if only i could text you this smell
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
