we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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