i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
