I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
3pm strippers are depressing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize