I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
