I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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