Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
