If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize