I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
