Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
