Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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