Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
