there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
