forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize