I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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