I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
