flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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