how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
