He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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