okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
