I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
