The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize