I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
