Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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