I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize