I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
