hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
