Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
