my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
wow bdsm is so cute
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
