he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize