There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
