I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
