I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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