not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
