I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
