I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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