Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
