i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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