you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
