Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
