So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
