My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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