Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
