Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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