dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
