she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
worst night to have a conscience
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
