youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
