Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize