I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
