Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
be right there i have to get my cape
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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