what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize