exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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