I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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