this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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