Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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