That's when you crack a 10am beer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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