Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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