my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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