dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
