I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize