Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
