just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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