I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
