I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
